IN the beginning, I thought this would be a standard chronological personal essay. How I grew up lonely and occluded to myself, missing the knowledge of an essential part of my political and community identity. Then the story of how I ate from the Tree of the Knowledge of Dalit Identity and whet my (longstanding) consuming hunger for belonging in Ambedkarism. 

But whether I like it or not, Christianity is the muscle memory & blood ritual that enlivens the bones of my world. My past is a ghost I can’t ever bury, and my God won’t ever stay dead.

The Eucharist, the Holy Communion, the Lord’s Supper - whatever you call it, it’s at the heart of Christian worship and one that only baptised or confirmed believers can partake in. It is the central sacrament in the Anglican doctrine of my family and follows a particular Order of Service, a basic pattern laid out in our Book of Common Prayer. It’s a familiar and ancient liturgy, and I’ve always wanted to conduct it myself, so I guess this is my chance.

So, take ye and EAT - 

(It's Christmas 2022, and the persecution of Christians in this country is getting worse and worse; even as the terror rises, the apathy also seems to loom and grow. It seems obscene and inappropriate to be hopeful. I can't say I've experienced the worst of this hatred and bigotry, but where else can I locate my experiences and identity? Where else do I belong? Where else do I focus my anger than on behalf of those "among whom I was born?"

My favourite Biblical character is Gideon. The image of this least of sons, from the smallest of Judaic tribes, being charged with freeing his people from foreign oppression by an Angel, then doubting God’s hiring process, is so funny. So human. Of course, the minute he gets the all-clear, he takes on the righteous sword of God. Through divinely sanctioned deceit, he chases away the encroaching armies and then goes on a rampage, tearing down idols.)

CREDITS
This bonus CBS S1: Experiencing Ambedkar episode is the result of a collaboration with the best in the game, the Mavelinadu Collective. 

Parai drums: Parai Instrument Sound Effect (Royalty free)

A crowd of Hindus burnt down a church - https://freesound.org/s/541014/ - This work is licensed under the Noncommercial 4.0 License.

Aime Cesaire- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FkTDayrLZq4

But I’m Talking About Faith - https://freesound.org/s/634813/ - This work is licensed under the Noncommercial 4.0 License.

Peter the rash: Gregorian Chants Vs. Modern Trap/Rap Beats [prod. Ryz]

I made the episode art; big up to the Commons, praise be!